Recognizing the Star Stuff Inside of Me

Good morning. Much love to you all!

I have an intensely spiritual side that I am trying to nurture and share. I had a traditional Catholic upbringing. Religious instruction every Wednesday and church every Sunday until I made the last sacrament of my adolescence, Confirmation.

My relationship with God has been confusing at best, non-existent at worst. Catholicism, in my own experience, focused more on my relationship with the church, its book, and the son of God than it did on my relationship with God. I was ill equipped and lost.

Catholicism being a decisively white, Anglo religion saturated in misogyny. Past and present day violence and extremism is attached to it. I am no longer a practicing Catholic.

*sigh*

I still have a deep, abiding, and unending love of creation and remain in awe at my tiny space in this universe, feeling lucky to have it. Grateful to be here and surrounded by love.

Love has become my religion, it has become my spiritual center. I love hard and will deplete myself almost completely in its name. I am learning to hold some of it for myself too. I am learning that the spirit part of my spirituality needs for me to turn the light inward.

It is hard to hold the love light inside for myself. Loving others feels easy, loving myself is hard. I’m trying so hard to reconnect with me. It’s been so long, it feels unfamiliar. My instincts will guide me I know but, letting go and trusting myself is most difficult. Up until this point I’ve kind of been running on empty.

That emptiness was hard to shake.

Solange

I tried to put one in the air. I tried to dance it away. I tried to change it with my hair.

I’ve been taking this approach to filling my soul’s cup. It doesn’t work…I’m sure Solange has figured that out as well.

So…I’m here, sitting beneath my window in the quiet space between dark and light. Sipping on my cafecito.

Listening. Learning. Loving. Being.

Teaching myself all the beautiful ways in which to be in communion with all the greatness that surrounds me. Teaching myself to recognize the star stuff inside of me. Teaching myself how and where and when to hold space for me and my grief and my joy too.

I’m grateful to be connected with you all here!

May peace find your hearts today and always.


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