I see you.
I know how hearing a snippet of Linus and Lucy or some other forsaken Christmas song puts your stomach by your feet and your heart in your throat and that the space between is occupied with anxiety and fear.
I know how all of the reindeer stuff, red and green motif and choral singing makes you feel like your going down a slide, a slump into depression.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) sometimes make adults feel like shit at Christmas (and other popular holidays). The disparity between the life you live and the life everyone else lives seems to be illuminated by all the Christmas lights. Or maybe you’ve lost a loved one around the holidays. The cheer can be suffocating. When you’re now in a safe space and the excess now seems overwhelming, when there feels like there’s so much pressure to do it right to make up for all the years it was done so wrong…
I see you.
Let me tell you are loved. And that you are not forgotten. I hope this message makes it to you, when you’re hiding in bed under blankets, with your inner child hiding in a closet or beneath a table to seek refuge. You are not alone.
I hope its safe out there for you, with your family and friends. I hope you feel the joy of being here, another day, another year. I hope you are healing, or at least have it on a list of things to do. Maybe, add writing a letter to your afraid and anxious self on the list?
Writing this, for you, has been cathartic for me.
The longest night of the year has passed and as we make our slow climb to our greatest light, remember you are worthy and loved.